puppy dog, after all. Ask clarifying questions to show that you're paying
attention, such as "Is this the same store you bought your boots at?" or "Is
this the team that won the national championship last year?" If you want to
score even more listening points, ask your spouse a question about something
he enjoys before he has a chance to bring it up. For example, "Did you get a
chance to watch the game yet? What did you think of it?"
2. Learn to communicate openly
Communication is one of the most challenging aspects of marriage. Each
person in the relationship comes from a different background. While you
grew up watching your parents discuss their disagreements calming, maybe
your spouse didn't. Maybe her parents yelled when they had discussions
Maybe her mother shouted insults or her father simply left the room when
confronted about something. As much as many people don't like to admit it,
the way a person is raised can have a huge impact in how they communicate
with their spouse.
In order to develop your relationship with your spouse, you'll need to learn
how to communicate. This means more than simply speaking words at your
spouse. This means learning how to be gentle when you speak. It means
learning when your spouse needs some time alone. It means learning to share
how you feel about the relationship. Most importantly, it means learning to
be kind with one another even when you don't agree on something. Marriage
is a balancing act for everyone, but you can help by being open and honest
with your partner about your feelings in a calm, rational way.
3. Explore similar interests
If you feel like you and your spouse have grown apart, it may be time to start
exploring hobbies that you can enjoy together. What's one thing that most
best friends enjoy? Usually a common interest. Don't be afraid to explore
new things with your spouse even if she seems apprehensive at first. Just
remember that it's important to find something you both like to do and not
just something your spouse will tolerate doing.
Instead of going to a movie on your next date night, why not try bowling? If
you both enjoy it, you could consider going on a regular basis or even joining
a league. If your spouse is an outdoors type of person, try going on hikes or
pg. 28
camping together. The possibilities of what you can do together are literally
endless. Just make sure you choose a hobby to share that you can afford and
that you both look forward to doing.
4. Be patient with one another
It's not easy living with someone day in and day out. It's even harder living
with someone when they have hurt or betrayed you. Unfortunately, at some
point, most couples have a falling out. This might mean your husband yelled
at you one time and you didn't think it was fair. It might mean that your wife
was unfaithful. When it comes to building your friendship with your spouse,
remember that you need to let the past be the past. It's unfair to bring up
former wrongdoings and hurts. Instead, be kind and gentle with your spouse.
No one can change overnight. Even if your spouse knows that she has a
shortcoming or a problem that needs to change, realize that you need to
give her time. Bad habits take time to form and they can take time to undo.
Patience goes a long way in encouraging your spouse and in letting your
friendship move forward with one another.
5. Encourage your spouse
Finally, remember to uplift your spouse. Do you constantly nag him? Do
you make snide remarks about the way she looks? Let all those things
go. Negative attitudes and negative comments are hurtful. If you want to
improve your marriage, you'll need to make a conscious effort to stop with
the hurtful comments. It may seem easy or even funny to make a joke at
your partner's expense, but the truth is that these comments can truly sting.
Watch what you say around your spouse.
There is wisdom in the phrase, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say
anything at all." Instead of making a mean comment, why not think of ways
you can encourage your spouse? For example, if your husband takes too long
to comb his hair in the morning, don't say "Why did you take so long? Are
you a woman?" Instead, tell him, "You look really nice today. I like how you
fixed your hair." A simple comment can be the difference between a fight
and a fantastic day with your partner. Watch your words. They matter.