Lydia Choi is a wife,
mom of three kids, and
a pastor. She has been
serving in ministry for 20
years in diverse settings
including multiethnic
churches, church
plants, small, large and
multisite churches. She
is a ministry consultant
at Ministry Architects
and an associate campus
pastor at Timberlake
Church on the east side
of the Seattle area.
December 2020 — pg. 11
As I Sit at the
Foot of the Cross
By Lydia Choi
“Come,” Jesus said. I got down out of the boat, walked
on the water and came toward Jesus. But when I saw
the wind, I was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out,
“Lord, save me!”
We all go through our own storms in life, but there are
certain storms that come in the way of a woman in ministry.
In the storms of life, I have found myself holding onto the
gospel of Jesus Christ as I sit at the foot of the cross. John
3:16–17 says, “For God so loved the world that he gave his
one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not
perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son
into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world
through him.” Yes! Jesus came into this world to save us.
The year 2020 has been a difficult year for many of us.
This year is also my 20th year in ministry, and it is the year I
became the first elder ordained by the Reach Conference of
the Free Methodist Church. I was in ninth grade on a mission
trip in Tijuana, Mexico, when God called me to ministry.
Growing up, I had met maybe one or two Asian women
pastors, and I was excited to become one. I was so passionate
about my new calling that I served in all ministries of my
church.
In my teen and college years, I volunteered in kids
ministry, youth ministry, worship team, church choir and
soup kitchens. I went on every mission trip our church
hosted. During high school, I even started a Wednesday
morning prayer group at my school. I invited whomever I
knew was Christian to come to the prayer group. Soon I had
unchurched friends and even friends who were Buddhist
join the prayer group! I can still remember the joy I felt
when a non-Christian friend asked me how she could be a
Christian. I lent her my Bible for the weekend and told her to
read the Gospels. The following Monday, she came to school
in excitement to share with me that she had decided to be a
follower of Christ. We were standing by our lockers and just
before classes began, we prayed together.
In high school, I mapped out my life. I planned to attend
a Christian university, then seminary, find a first ministry job
and a husband, get married at age 24, and have kids so that
I could start ministering. Everything happened according
to my plan. I met my husband, David, at the seminary we
attended, Regent College in Vancouver, Canada. David was
a Master of Divinity student pursuing pastoral ministry. We
got married after David’s graduation and served together as
pastors. There were triumphs and hardships in ministry, but
one particular hardship was difficult to overcome.
We were serving at a large church that had Korean,
Chinese and English congregations. David was the English
ministry pastor, and I was the children’s pastor for the Korean
congregation. As I was coming back from maternity leave
with our third child, the leadership of the church asked me
to step down as a pastor and to be a pastor’s wife like all the
other pastors’ wives at the church. They told me that this was
a season for me to support my husband’s growing ministry.
I did not understand. I was angry. My anger turned into
shame, shame turned into sadness, and sadness turned into
fear. I felt like I was sinking. I cried out to God, “God, you
told me to come. I got off the boat and walked on water. But
I am sinking!”
When Peter got off the boat and saw the wind, fear
crept in, and he began to sink. In desperation, Peter cried
out “Lord, save me!” And this is exactly how I felt. Jesus
did not waste a second to save Peter. Matthew 14:31 states,
“Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
‘You of little faith,’ he said, ‘why did you doubt?’”
When the wind came my way, I began to doubt my
calling as a pastor. I needed to fix my eyes on Jesus. Hebrews
12:1–2 says, “And let us run with perseverance the race
marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and
perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the
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