"I didn’t know how
to really listen to the
perspectives of the older
generation or share
mine with them."
August 2020 — pg. 29
As a young adult and recent college grad, I have had
little experience with intergenerational church
community, because for all my life, I have been separated
into my age group. I started my faith journey in the church
nursery, learned about Jesus in kids’ church, was discipled
in youth group, and deepened my faith in my college
community. These were the places where I was challenged,
where my voice was invited, where my questions were
welcomed, and where I felt comfortable practicing my
faith authentically. These have almost exclusively been the
places I was encouraged to connect, to get involved, and
to lead.
It wasn’t until I graduated college and moved to a new
city that I realized how difficult and unnatural it was for
me to connect and grow in my faith in a multigenerational
setting. I started attending a church whose congregation
was largely older and I found myself immediately, and
rather desperately, looking for a young adults’ group in the
area to join. This was more important to me than getting
involved in my church. The only opportunities I had ever
been given to grow and lead were in groups of people my
own age, so if I wanted to find a discipleship community, I
assumed it would have to look like it always had.
A few weeks into attending my new church, I was
invited to be part of a Sunday school group. I was the
youngest person there by at least 35 years. I felt sorely out
of place and didn’t feel comfortable speaking up in group
discussions or even praying out loud. The generational
disconnect was so strong that it made me an observer and
not a contributor.
I didn’t know how to really listen to the perspectives
of the older generation or share mine with them. I didn’t
know how to engage authentically with such a different
viewpoint. I didn’t know how to ask the right questions in
order to connect with my group.
Instead, I am practiced in the art of smiling and nodding
whenever an older person shares a perspective with which
I disagree and reserving my own perspective for the people
in my generation. This reflects a narrative of church culture
that often prioritizes preserving the peace above creating
space for hard conversations.
It is not just young people who are separated from the
rest of the church. I have often observed churches with
services specifically designed for the older generations.
It’s certainly not a bad thing to have groups geared toward
specific ages or stages of life. But when the only spaces
for learning and leadership are in separation from other
generations, we are doing our churches a grand disservice.
There is a structural disconnect within so many
churches that has created a culture where everyone’s voice
is invited to the table; it’s just that we’re sitting at different
tables. Now more than ever is the time to address this gap
in community.
We need intentional spaces for intergenerational
connection in our churches. How many Sunday school
classes or small groups are multigenerational? How often
do churches give children and youth space to lead people
older than they are? How might young people benefit from
mentorship programs (especially at churches connected
with Christian colleges)? Intergenerational community
won’t look the same at every church, so we need to become
creative and give every age group a voice and a place. Being
the church requires teamwork across generations.
Intergenerational community and connection is not
a norm in American Christianity. Each generation has
been shaped by different cultures, different world events,
different challenges and influences, and these differences
create a natural separation. Bridging this gap will require
inviting everyone to the same table and brainstorming
with voices from all age groups.
While I’ve heard many church leaders emphasize the
importance of multigenerational community, the truth is
it’s rarely being practiced. If this is a priority we claim to
have, we need to figure out ways to implement it. Living
into the diversity that God created is difficult. It will
require us to wrestle with other perspectives, and step
outside our comfort zones, and make growth a way of life.
Are we ready? +
Natalie Forney is a recent graduate
of Spring Arbor University where she
earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in
psychology and Spanish. She attends
Aldersgate Free Methodist Church in
Indianapolis where she will be teaching
English classes to serve immigrants in
the local community.